Well although that was a marathon read, I did not scroll fast and was entertained from the first to the last sentence. WOW - you have quite the way with words. Love the self-inflicted humour and fraudulent behaviour; the play on words - butt/tipoes...

I hate it when people borrow books and never give them back and I used to not floss but now I'm addicted to it. No more lies when I go to the dentist for me!

Looking forward to more hilarity oozing from you soon :)